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Sunday, August 5, 2018

Omoide of Osaka

I'm always fascinated with relationships that have gone a long way, relationships that have been tested with time and still endured. Perhaps because I haven't been there. I haven't been into a relationship and it kept me wondering how two people meet and fall madly in love and build dreams together. 

I belonged to the long-forgotten generation of dreamers who are literally poisoned by fairytales, that happy endings are real. So when I hear stories about breakups, it gives me a real deal of time thinking why on earth lovers can't sustain the momentum of affection. Though I am completely aware that breakup is part of the cycle in a relationship, it still struck a deep cord to my heart. Because, well, hurt hurts. Whatever hurt means.

Last week, I had a serious conversation with a friend, who is also a colleague, over his long relationship that ended after eight years. Eight long years!

It doesn't sound like I've just discovered where in the world the next destructive earthquake will strike but the length of time they've invested seemed long enough to call it quits. Kinda surprising and a bit ground-shaking.

What made the whole story quite astounding is that they were already engaged and planned to take a trip down-the-aisle in 2 years! And yet it ended.

It is always sad to hear stories about breakup. Just imagine the emotional damage it inflicts to lovers, it's devastating! It makes you feel unworthy and devalued. And there's nothing cute in heartaches. It sucks because it means someone else's dream for a happy life together had been shattered. And most of the time, breakups affected self-esteem.

I wanted to tell my friend there's nothing wrong with him. He is a good person and a fascinating man. It's just that the other party overlooked the purity of his heart and intention. I wanted to tell him he is better off with somebody else, someone who deserves his love and devotion. Someone who could reciprocate the level of his loyalty and affection.

Whatever the circumstances that ended the journey and led to severing ties, it's still breakup, and with it, ended the plans and the dreams he was trying to build with his fiancee, which is a bit heart-wrenching!

As someone who has never been into a relationship I could not fathom a thing why people fell out of love, why things fell apart, why couples kept hurting each other. Is forever only an imaginary thing? I mean why someone kept hurting the one they loved?

This leads me to ask more complicated questions. Why lovers would end a beautiful story with just a reason of weariness? I mean is it not normal to get weary at times? Is it not part of challenges in a relationship that they must overcome and resolve?

Eight years sounded like ages. It already fortifies relationship with so much investment on emotions. The journey is too long to throw off memories. And for someone to turn away and jilt a lover sounded a little baffling. What made her change? My frequent question to my friend.

I got to sympathize with him because he didn't deserve to be dumped. He is a very good and responsible man, a  smart guy who deserves to be loved. But, well, things happened.

If couples are working things out in a relationship and decided to bring it to the next chapter, the last thing that could happen is really to fall out of love. I mean feelings don't wither. It endures with the passing of time because true love perseveres.

Genuine love slowly grows. It evolves and develops as time progresses. It manifests respect and compassion. It would never inflict pain to someone. And would never back down even during the stormy period of the relationship. It can wind off any kind of challenges along the way. Because genuine love is eternal and sublime.

Hearing someone broke the engagement and gave up after long years in a relationship is terribly upsetting.  But who can blame circumstances? There are things in life that's beyond our control. And the only thing we can control is our mindset and views.

Their story might have deeper meaning that must be understood. It ended because the relationship has reached its timeline. It ended because something better is about to begin in each of their life story. Perhaps, their fate has been designed to stop at that point and there's no way to pass into another intersection of life. It has come to an end. Their love story halted because it was not meant to continue.

That's the story of life. It might be difficult to comprehend but sometimes circumstances must interfere to steer us into the right direction and bring us to where God wants us to grow as a worthy human being. It is a message that must be understood. Everything happens for a reason and it is always for the best. Breakup is one way of telling the couple they are meant for someone else and not themselves. Every circumstance has a purpose. Even the people we met.

We met people not by chance but by purpose. The purpose is either to teach us lessons or to add value into our lives. People who are just meant to teach us lessons are those who cannot be with us as we continue with our journey in life, but those who are meant to add value into our lives are those who endured the tumultuous journey and continue to be with us all along.

Perhaps his fiancee only came into his life to teach him a lesson but not meant to be with him forever. A lesson for him to be stronger, to be tougher with times and to be cautious the moment he decides to enter into another relationship.

There are things that are temporary, including lovers, but we have to appreciate their value because it has meaning in our life's journey. They are trying to teach us lessons. Trying to teach us to become a stronger, better person.

Looking at my friend, I could not see any signs of remorse in his face nor a manifestation of regrets and anger. Maybe because the feeling of torment has already passed. He has gone through a considerable period of time coming to terms with the truth. It's been months since the devastating breakup, afterall.

Still, I could feel that he has been hurt. And the memories of torment for a wasted love is still there. It won't vanish in a spur of the moment I guess. Because a love that endures with time is an emotional investment that could not just be dissolved with the closure of affection. But I wished time can heal him completely because he is such a wonderful person.

Though I could feel he has moved on, still the reminder of that lost love clings a bit. It's normal. And it takes time. It takes a considerable period of time to get rid of the memories of the nurtured love. Because once in his life he cared for that someone, he nurtured that someone. But whatever it is that made the circumstances a bit agonizing, life has to move on.

It has to move on.

And yes, things happen for a reason. The story has ended because another story is waiting to be told. Another encounter is waiting to be revealed. Fate always finds ways to unite two souls who are meant to travel in life together.

Everyday offers hope of a beautiful tomorrow including meeting "the one". There's no exact season to fall in love. God makes all things possible and often gives us a beautiful story far better than what we have expected.

His plans are always better than ours. And we should never worry about looking for the perfect time to find love because God's time is always perfect. And love always finds ways. It will find us.

I also believed that the person we are going to marry is not the one we are madly in love with, but he/she is just the person who is right there, at the right place, at the right time when we make a life-changing decision. Because love is a decision, not just feelings.

With my friend's story, I remember this beautiful quote on why God allow us to wait longer:

"When God know you are ready for the responsibility of commitment,
He will reveal the right person for you under the right circumstances,
so wait patiently, don't waste your time searching and wishing for someone to come into your life, grow and be ready, and you will see,
God will give you a love story far better than what you've been dreaming"

The circumstances of his love story provided me somehow an idea to write a book about memories of love 😂😃 I have not tried writing a manuscript about romance because I don't find it challenging.

Romantic story is a formula story and its structure is always predictable which makes it uninteresting to delve on. Though it's one of the easiest genres to write, I still find it a bit boring.

But his discomforting plight on love is a bit inspiring and somehow gave me a premise to dig deeper on the idea of falling in love, and the searing effect it gives to lovers when somewhere along the way things will turn pretty bad.

I am currently writing the initial draft and I am using this working title "Omoide" which means "memories" in Japanese. It's a tribute to his Japanese heritage. And because I love all things Japanese and been thinking of visiting Japan in my lifetime, I decided to use Osaka or Kyoto in Japan as the setting of the story.

And with this, I'm sending this open letter to my friend.

Life can be tough but it shall come to pass. You are a great person who deserves the best in this world. Just consider yourself as a multi-colored glass window with few patches where sunlight filters in exciting shades.

Staring at these shades and identifying its worth will provide you a good perspective of life in general and find your balance: riding the thrill of adventure without losing your grip, catching the tide of excitement everyday.

Just believe that you live in a certain form of wonders and behold, things flicker surprisingly. Magic is everywhere, and miracles happen. One of these days you will understand why things did not work out with you and that someone. Perhaps, God is preparing someone better for you.

I have at least one blog post in the previous years about realizing why things turned out badly at times, something you can ponder on:

Who would pick me up? Who would be used by God as an instrument to lift me from this turbulent moment?

Hardcore questions. And answers are as distant as those floating meteors in the milky way. Even if I would bang my head in the wall for a hundred times, I would never get satisfying answers to all these muddles. Logic might be flawed and everyone will argue.

Because TIME is a tipping point of what should be done and how things should get us going. It controls the intersection of our journey. It would never yield to what we scream at the moment. It has its own direction. It has its own blueprint how things should flow. It follows its own command. It has its own phase and interval. No one can ever pass the parameter without the consent of time.

But who controls TIME?

We might finish our day with a split mind and ended in a mental facility, but I know, somewhere out there, someone control’s TIME. Someone we cannot defy, whose judgement cannot be questioned, whose decision cannot be bargained. Because this someone owns everything. 

Even TIME.

We might create unreasonable decision, possess courage to make a difference, dare to fly high with our intention to make life worth living based on how we define it, how we map our plans, waste energy to pursue those dreams and intentions, but without fitting on the timetable designed by God, everything is senseless.

He owns TIME. God owns everything. 

Even the mapping of our plans. The direction of our destiny. The collision of our path with another. He controls everything. It might be hard to accept or too difficult to take it in but that’s how it goes and we cannot barter it. Not even trading self-sacrifices and lashing our feet on the steps of the church every day. If the grand design is not yet complete. None of those plans will come to realize.

Everything has its own time. And God owns it. He designs it. We have to undergo a different level of pain and tribulation to recognize His grand design. We might feed up with the long delays but faith will keep us going.

After a while, I get back on my feet and think about life in the correct sense, think about my faith, about God and what I have right now. Why I should feel bad? Why focus on the things I have no control? Why concentrate on something that should never be given? I still have my life to live. Never mind those people who refused to believe in my worth, those people who jilted and abandoned me, they are not also worthy to be grieved on. Like passing moments, they are not meant to be in my journey forever. 

There are still wonderful things on the other side of the road. Wonderful people that I will meet who will recognize my worth. At the end of this tormenting journey a great reward awaits. Something that only God is capable of providing.

Sometimes, the only thing we truly need is just within ourselves, it's just deep within, we only need to bank on our faith to understand everything. Understand the message of life, the message of God. Because everyday is a message, what happens to us, good or bad, is a message that we need to understand. 

Life is a reflection, whatever thought we feed on our subconscious becomes us. There's at least one quote I've read somewhere that keeps me motivated now: “God’s plan is always the best, sometimes the process is painful and hard. But we should always remember that when God is silent. When it seems He never listens to our prayers. He is doing something great, something better. So wait for that grand gift, for that grand plan, you will see why things happened the way it ended.” 

Someday, things will make sense for you, why those ugly circumstances need to occur. God is trying to send you a message that something great is waiting out there. And God prepares someone better for you. You only need to feel it by your heart and understand life's message to see the other person clearly. Don't worry about timing, for God's time is always perfect.

It's a beautiful day! And tomorrow is another exciting day to rebuild lost dreams. Your life itself is a gift from God that must be cherished.  😊

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authorI am a blogger from the Philippines. My interest centers on travel and food, global affairs, European royals and self-help. I've a great passion in traveling and photography. I am also a book author with five published books in Amazon.
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