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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Pain! Just how terribe it is?

Hello my dear online diary! I haven't post anything in 2009 and felt so guilty :-P

As far as my baffling destiny is concerned, 2009 was my exhausting year for me. It was the year I genuinely felt the real pang of heartaches, well due to my own foolishness, no one drags me in pain, I just thrust it to myself.

But how was it really felt like? Here's a summary to that agonizing episode.

After years of struggle with my confusing destiny and months of apprehensions, I finally released my confusion and anxieties on the 17th day of December and finally discovered the nagging truth that everything was just pure illusion, it was as if I gone to sleep for a hundred years, and finally woke up to see my surroundings completely different from what I'd been anticipating, but nevertheless, I thanked God that he patted my back and protected me from further humiliation.

Looking back, I just can't help but ask: Why he allowed things to wheel into this direction? Why he prolonged the agony? He could have curtail his nice treatment and define his boundaries to avoid sending a WRONG SIGNAL. But he let it flowed for almost three years, but why?so many whys hanging in my brain, but I let it go anyway and accepted his reasons.

Well, I am glad it finally ended.

Then I figured, maybe he is unaware that the more he allowed things to get closer with a girl, the more it has meaning, maybe he did not understand it clearly. And now we have the greatest lessons in both our existence: avoid a close encounter with the unknown!

Emotions are very flimsy, the more you pay attention to it, the more it breaks you. It can be easily deceived you. Though he was furious and largely despised me for feeling such stupid thing and for assuming things wrongly, I could not condemn myself for being so naive to misinterpret the actions.

People in my circle (friends and faculty-whom I shared my story)assured me that there's nothing wrong with me and with my interpretations, maybe the guy, according to them, is not aware he is already crossing the boundary of just plain friends and something "different".

Well, it really gave me lessons not to allow myself to be deceived with this kind of game..Next time I will be more careful with my reactions and decisions to avoid walking the same road of illusion. I will never allow the same things to happen in the future, because it was really traumatic to be humiliated, it lessen my self worth and almost believed I am nothing but a useless girl desperately needed attention. Well, I am not.

But why the truth was told in a very rude manner?he could have told me gently anyway I can understand. But why he was so cruel?do I deserved to be maligned? All I wanted was just to clear things out and no intention to snatch him from his girlfriend, that's inconceivable and I will never do that.

Anyway, I let my confusion rest in peace, everything is clear now and I am looking forward for a wonderful life ahead, building dreams again for my future. There are plenty of reasons to be thankful for: a beautiful sunrise, magnificent rainbows and dramatic sunset.

Yessssss!Life is super generous if we just know how to look it wisely.

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authorI am a blogger from the Philippines. My interest centers on travel and food, global affairs, European royals and self-help. I've a great passion in traveling and photography. I am also a book author with five published books in Amazon.
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